Tag Archives: friendship

Not again!

I once told a friend that my list of complaints was so long it probably went all the way to hell and back. She replied, in all seriousness, that it probably originated in hell.

I still reflect on this bit of wisdom years later. She had something of a good point to consider.

Sadly, our friendship faded away. She was someone I admired and appreciated, but perhaps some collision between the zig zags of her own life and my tendency to be a bit obnoxiously brash led to a slow distancing and eventual vaporisation… it will be nice to see her again one day. Even if she might join the list of other lost friends whom I hope to re-encounter in heaven, where our mutual adoration of God will manifest in utter joy in seeing each other there.

The complaints which she wisely commented on are usually of things that are common and predictable occurrences, in any case. The complaint serves what purpose exactly? To ask for sympathy, I’d guess.

“Oh, it’s so hot, and my back hurts and my paycheck is late and whatever shall I do about my noisy neighbors?”

These aren’t requests for helpful suggestions, since ordinary means of resolving them already exist and — complaints usually being repetitive — the same problems have been suffered through many times before. I suspect it’s a desire for unity of spirit and friendship. “Ah, this heat!” “Oh, it’s terrible.” “My, my so hot.” “It is indeed.”

Do we want the same when we offer a litany of praise instead of a litany of complaint? “My God, how beautiful the sky is today!” “Right? It really is amazing!” Probably, though I find the litany of praise a much less common component of ordinary conversation.

What about the litany of praise of sufferings? Hardly exists, I’d think. “Well, it sure is nice to have this quiet time in bed, now that I have the flu.” “Oh, I know what you mean, being sick is such a blessing.”

Saint Therese of Lisieux, sick in bed…

Friends

I am quite touched by the work of Chris Ulmer, who has a long-standing series of interviews with kids with various genetic disorders. His plain human friendship with them and giving them a place to express themselves is lovely. Here’s his YouTube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/c/SpecialBooksbySpecialKids

Lately he’s been doing fundraisers for some cases where the family cannot afford therapies or special education that would benefit the child. Here’s a recent one:

https://gofund.me/f2150f73

Come spend the day!

Detail of a tapestry showing the visit of the Most Holy Virgin to her cousin Elizabeth. She stayed a while!

One of the many strange things I’ve adapted to in Brazil is really long visits. I was so used to the all-business, in-a-hurry, let’s-not-overstay-our-welcome kind of visits I knew in the US that it’s taken me years to acclimate to the pace of visits here. This week’s spate of post-quarantine visits included:

  • Six hours with a dear friend: 3 hours of cheese, salami, olives and wine; followed by a one hour walk to digest and pray a rosary, then two more hours eating beef stew and talking.
  • Five hours with another dear friend a few days later: lots of conversation; coffee and cake; more chatting, taking photos, and hanging out; turning down the invitation to stay for dinner (tripe stew…I couldn’t do it).
  • Eight hours with another dear friend the day after that: several hours of conversation, several hours of eating, more talking, more eating, and a good long time spent looking at beautiful art books.

I was telling another friend about it later and she said the customs that she’s known are a) the ‘come for lunch, stay til dark’ visit and b) the ‘come spend the day while the husbands are at work’ visit.

I was marveling at the quality of time one gets with a friend when one spends all day, and not all day running around going places and being seen and so on, but just sitting at home talking. With that kind of uninterrupted attention to each other you really can delve into long stories and wandering musings. The friendship gets treasured and pampered and polished and cared for. It seems to me to put priorities straight. God gave me these friends to love and be loved by. Generosity and gratitude seem much better responses than fussing about whether I’ve checked off three more to-dos on my to-do list.

Then again, I’m a gringo, so today there were no more visits and I fretted over my to-do list. But I do think most everything on it, barring a few bills to pay, can be done tomorrow with no harm to anyone.

Friendship

A friend is long sought, hardly found, and with difficulty kept. Let those who will, allow gold to dazzle them and be borne along in splendor, their very baggage glittering with gold and silver. Love is not to be purchased, and affection has no price. The friendship which can cease has never been real.

-Saint Jerome, from a letter to Rufinus, the monk